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friend, Sir Oliver, should be the person to attempt such a wrong, hurts me more nearly.

Joseph Surface — Ay, there's the point. When ingratitude barbs the dart of injury, the wound has double danger in it.

Sir Peter-Ay-I, that was, in a manner, left his guardian in whose house he had been so often entertained; who never in my life denied him- my advice!

:

Joseph Surface -Oh, 'tis not to be credited! There may be a man capable of such baseness, to be sure; but, for my part, till you can give me positive proofs, I cannot but doubt it. However, if it should be proved on him, he is no longer a brother of mine I disclaim kindred with him: for the man who can break the laws of hospitality, and tempt the wife of his friend, deserves to be branded as the pest of society.

Sir Peter-What a difference there is between you! What noble sentiments!

Joseph Surface-Yet I cannot suspect Lady Teazle's honor. Sir Peter-I am sure I wish to think well of her, and to

remove all ground of quarrel between us. She has lately reproached me more than once with having made no settlement on her; and, in our last quarrel, she almost hinted that she should not break her heart if I was dead. Now, as we seem to differ in our ideas of expense, I have resolved she shall have her own way, and be her own mistress in that respect for the future; and, if I were to die, she will find I have not been inattentive to her interest while living. Here, my friend, are the drafts of two deeds, which I wish to have your opinion on. By one, she will enjoy eight hundred a year independent while I live; and, by the other, the bulk of my fortune at my death. Joseph Surface-This conduct, Sir Peter, is indeed truly generous.[Aside] I wish it may not corrupt my pupil.

Sir Peter-Yes, I am determined she shall have no cause to complain, though I would not have her acquainted with the latter instance of my affection yet awhile.

Joseph Surface - Nor I, if I could help it.

[Aside.

Sir Peter-And now, my dear friend, if you please, we will talk over the situation of your hopes with Maria.

Joseph Surface [softly] — Oh, no, Sir Peter; another time, if you please.

Sir Peter-I am sensibly chagrined at the little progress you seem to make in her affections.

Joseph Surface [softly]-I beg you will not mention it.

What are my disappointments when your happiness is in debate! - [Aside] 'Sdeath, I shall be ruined every way!

Sir Peter-And though you are averse to my acquainting Lady Teazle with your passion, I'm sure she's not your enemy in the affair.

I am

Joseph Surface - Pray, Sir Peter, now oblige me. really too much affected by the subject we have been speaking of to bestow a thought on my own concerns. The man who is intrusted with his friend's distresses can never

Well, sir?
Servant

Reënter Servant.

Your brother, sir, is speaking to a gentleman in the street, and says he knows you are within.

Joseph Surface - 'Sdeath, blockhead, I'm not within - I'm out for the day.

Sir Peter-Stay-hold-a thought has struck me: - you shall be at home.

Joseph Surface - Well, well, let him up. - [Exit Servant.] He'll interrupt Sir Peter, however.

[Aside.

Sir Peter-Now, my good friend, oblige me, I entreat you. Before Charles comes, let me conceal myself somewhere, then do you tax him on the point we have been talking, and his answer may satisfy me at once.

Joseph Surface -Oh, fie, Sir Peter! would you have me join in so mean a trick? - to trepan my brother, too?

Sir Peter - Nay, you tell me you are sure he is innocent; if so, you do him the greatest service by giving him an opportunity to clear himself, and you will set my heart at rest. Come, you shall not refuse me: [going up] here, behind the screen will be - Hey! what the devil! there seems to be one listener here already -- I'll swear I saw a petticoat!

Joseph Surface Ha! ha! ha! Well, this is ridiculous enough. I'll tell you, Sir Peter, though I hold a man of intrigue to be a most despicable character, yet, you know, it does not follow that one is to be an absolute Joseph either! Hark'ee, 'tis a little French milliner, a silly rogue that plagues me; and having some character to lose, on your coming, sir, she ran behind the screen.

Sir Peter-Ah, Joseph Joseph! Did I ever think that you But, egad, she has overheard all I have been saying of my wife.

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Joseph Surface - Oh, 'twill never go any farther, you may depend upon it!

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Sir Peter-No! then, faith, let her hear it out. Here's a closet will do as well.

Joseph Surface - Well, go in there.

Sir Peter-Sly rogue! sly rogue!

[Goes into the closet.

Joseph Surface-A narrow escape, indeed! and a curious situation I'm in, to part man and wife in this manner.

Lady Teazle [peeping] - Couldn't I steal off?

Joseph Surface - Keep close, my angel!

Sir Peter [peeping]-Joseph, tax him home.
Joseph Surface-Back, my dear friend!

Lady Teazle [peeping] - Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in?
Joseph Surface-Be still, my life!

Sir Peter [peeping] - You're sure the little milliner won't

blab?

Joseph Surface-In, in, my dear Sir Peter!-'Fore Gad, I wish I had a key to the door.

ter?

Enter CHARLES SURFACE.

Charles Surface-Holla! brother, what has been the matYour fellow would not let me up at first. What have you had a Jew or a wench with you?

Joseph Surface - Neither, brother, I assure you.

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Charles Surface· But what has made Sir Peter steal off? I thought he had been with you.

Joseph Surface - He was, brother; but, hearing you were coming, he did not choose to stay.

Charles Surface·

What! was the old gentleman afraid I

wanted to borrow money of him?

Joseph Surface - No, sir: but I am sorry to find, Charles, you have lately given that worthy man grounds for great uneasiness.

Charles Surface-Yes, they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men. But how so, pray?

Joseph Surface - To be plain with you, brother, he thinks you are endeavoring to gain Lady Teazle's affections from him. Charles Surface - Who, I? O Lud! not I, upon my

word. Ha! ha ha! ha! so the old fellow has found out that

he has got a young wife, has he?-or, what is worse, Lady Teazle has found out she has an old husband?

Joseph Surface - This is no subject to jest on, brother. He who can laugh

Charles Surface - True, true, as you were going to saythen, seriously, I never had the least idea of what you charge me with, upon my honor.

Joseph Surface - Well, it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this. [Raising his voice. Charles Surface-To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed to have taken a fancy to me; but, upon my soul, I never gave her the least encouragement. Besides, you know my attachment to Maria.

Joseph Surface-But sure, brother, even if Lady Teazle had betrayed the fondest partiality for you.

Charles Surface - Why, look'ee, Joseph, I hope I shall never deliberately do a dishonorable action; but if a pretty woman was purposely to throw herself in my way - and that pretty woman married to a man old enough to be her father

to

Joseph Surface-Well!

Charles Surface - Why, I believe I should be obliged

Joseph Surface-What?

Charles Surface-To borrow a little of your morality, that's all. But, brother, do you know now that you surprise me exceedingly, by naming me with Lady Teazle; for, i̇' faith, I always understood you were her favorite.

Joseph Surface -Oh, for shame, Charles! This retort is foolish.

Charles Surface-Nay, I swear I have seen you exchange such significant glances.

Joseph Surface - Nay, nay, sir, this is no jest.

Charles Surface - Egad, I'm serious! Don't you remember

one day, when I called here

Joseph Surface - Nay, prithee, Charles

Charles Surface - And found you together

Joseph Surface-Zounds, sir, I insist

Charles Surface- And another time when your servant

Joseph Surface-Brother, brother, a word with you!

[Aside] Gad, I must stop him.

Charles Surface - Informed, I say, that

Joseph Surface-Hush! I beg your pardon, but Sir Peter

has overheard all we have been saying. I knew you would clear yourself, or I should not have consented.

Charles Surface - How, Sir Peter!
Joseph Surface-Softly, there!
Charles Surface - Oh, 'fore Heaven,

Sir Peter, come forth!

Joseph Surface - No, no

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Where is he?

[Points to the closet. I'll have him out.

come into court. guardian ! — What!

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Charles Surface I say, Sir Peter, [Pulls in SIR PETER.] What! my old turn inquisitor, and take evidence incog.? Oh, fie! Oh, fie! Sir Peter-Give me your hand, Charles-I believe I have suspected you wrongfully; but you mustn't be angry with Joseph'twas my plan!

Charles Surface — Indeed!

Sir Peter-But I acquit you.

But I acquit you. I promise you I don't think near so ill of you as I did: what I have heard has given me great satisfaction.

Charles Surface - Egad, then, 'twas lucky you didn't hear any more. Wasn't it, Joseph ?

Sir Peter Ah! you would have retorted on him.

Charles Surface - Ay, ay, that was a joke.

Sir Peter

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Yes, yes, I know his honor too well. Charles Surface - But you might as well have suspected him as me in this matter, for all that. Mightn't he, Joseph? Sir Peter-Well, well, I believe you.

Joseph Surface

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Would they were both out of the room!

[Aside. Sir Peter-And in future, perhaps, we may not be such

strangers.

Reënter Servant, and whispers JOSEPH SURFACE.

Servant Lady Sneerwell is below, and says she will

come up.

Joseph Surface - Lady Sneerwell! Lady Sneerwell! Gad's life! she must not come here. [Exit Servant.] Gentlemen, I beg pardon I must wait on you downstairs: here is a person come on particular business.

Charles Surface - Well, you can see him in another room. Sir Peter and I have not met a long time, and I have something to say to him.

Joseph Surface [aside] - They must not be left together.

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