From aching head, to gouty toes, Minute examiner of Nature, 14 - discern, prescribe, apply, And cure My learned friend, Dr. Timothy Triangle perusing the manuscript of this my pithy Petition, discovered that my description of the modus operandi on the insect as above, compared with the celebrated " veni, vidi, vici," as a specimen of fine writing, is superior in the direct proportion of four to three, consequently Dr. Caustic has advanced one step higher in the climax of sublimity than Julius Cæsar. 15-disease in louse's eye. I do not pretend that in this, and other acquisitions herein stated, I have been so fortunate as to exceed many other profound geniuses, who have delighted the learned world with sublime discoveries in the abstruse sciences of insect-ology, mite-ology, and nothing-ology. Such gentlemen, for instance, as Leuwenhoek, Reaumur, Swammerdam, and Monsieur Lyonet. Indeed I have discovered prodigious curiosities, which escaped the no To insect small as e'er one sees I had a curious little lancet, Your worships could not help but fancy it, tice of the latter philosopher, in the organization of La Chenille de Saule, or caterpillar of the willow. The extent of his discoveries on this insect will be perceived from the following statement by Adams, in his work on the Microscope. The number of muscles that our observer (M. Lyonet) has been ' able to distinguish is truly astonishing. He 'found 228 in the head, 1647 in the body, and 2066 in the intestinal tube, making in all 3941.' And I might boast that I have felt the feverish pulse of that invisible family, the Animalcula Infusoria; and effected jugular phlebotomy ona sick louse, without subjecting the unhappy insect to the ad unguem operation, attempted by every bungling old woman, in our scholastic nurseries. In short, gentlemen, in my opinion, I ought to be placed in the ranks of literature, somewhere within gun-shot of Linnæus. But I have still further claims to your polite attention. I am an animal, of the Class of Illuminati, the Order of Authors, the Genus of Poets, and the Species of Garreteers, which last distinction shows me to be an elevated character, and of consequence one who ought to stand high in your estimation. By which I show'd, with skill surprising, And with it oft inoculated (At which friend Jenner 'll be elated) Flies, fleas, and gnats, with cow-pox matter, Could take a microscopic mite, With optic glass, of great utility, 16 As big as St. Paul's Church, or bigger! I propose, immediately, to open a shop for the manufacture of these glasses, provided I can-obtain sufficient credit for that purpose. Then of course Adams, Jones, and Dollond, must shut up theirs. I shall admit into partnership with me a friend of mine, who some time since applied to the Honourable Board of Longitude, (a) humbly hoping A soldier in my glass's focus, 17 to obtain a premium for having invented an optical instrument, which would display the wing of a fly, placed on the top of St. Paul's, and pored at from the street adjacent, as large as the mainsail of a man of war. It is well known that this distinguished, right honourable body are little less noted, than the gentlemen of the Trinity House, for their discernment in appreciating true merit, and their liberality in rewarding those artists whose inventions or discoveries have any connexion with the improvement of navigation, especially if such artist happen to be as poor as he is ingenious. The said Board of Longitude were so astonishingly liberal in the present instance, that they offered to reward him with no less than thirty pounds sterling; and I have no doubt but they would have paid the whole sum, either in cash, or accepted bills of a short date. This, indeed, was a huge sum, when it is considered that the inventor had laboured, with unremitting assiduity, in perfecting this instrument no more than seven years. But his indignant ingenuity spurned at the sum as trifling and inadequate, and he accordingly broke his glass before the faces of his noble patrons. But notwithstanding the unfortunate issue of this application, great men like Dr. Caustic, and my friend aforesaid, have always resources in their own minds, sufficient to enable them to force their way forward in society. Improvements of Briareus-like, terrific stands, With fifty heads and hundred hands ! such magnitude are now introduced in the mecha nism of this instrument, principally by my instrumentality, that we should be justified in refusing any reward, as too trivial for our merits, which the united funds of all Europe could bestow. I shall omly state to your Worships a few of the important objects to which our astonishing magnifier may be advantageously applied. It has been supposed, by some people of little or no research, that certain persons (very unlike the gentlemen of the Trinity House and the honourable Board above mentioned) have no souls. But by taking a squint at them through our instrument, which makes nihility visible, you may perceive that each has a soul about the size of a large lobster. A certain statesman had been thought to possess no talents, and to be sure they were not quite visible to the naked eye; but, when peered at through our peerless microscope, this same statesman not only appeared superiour to Machiavel, as a politician, but his splendid abilities shed ineffable lustre on all his relations !! This microscope is equally useful in magnifying services, which have been rendered community. Thus the uncles, aunts, cousins, sisters, brothers, and little children of the aforesaid statesman, by virtue thereof, seemed to have rendered such services to community, that nothing short of the most princely revenues, clerkships of Pells, &c. &c. &c. could reward them in proportion to their deserts, or enable them to support, in a suitable manner, their newly acquired dignity. |